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If I Had Known Me

from Puzzle by millicow

/

lyrics

If I had known me, I would have told you
If I had only been able to warn you
If I had known me, I would have told you
If I had only been able to inform you

Back then, we were riding the buzz
Back then, I didn't know who I was
Head spinning with my first ever love
Innocence caught us both by surprise
Back then, we was running from the past
Back then, we just wanted something fast
Hiding from the trauma in our bags
Hiking up the longest mountain path
So much I should have told you beforehand
So much you should have known about going in
Like honestly I cannot be a busy bee socially
I need to be alone in peace and quiet please, frequently
Wish we had a discussion to shift our expectations
And let them be adjusted to give us extra patience
I want to be the one who treats you like a queen eternally
But I can't seem to find the needed energy to be your king
I'm not quite built for social interaction|
I'm lost afloat in my imagination
You call my phone for loving attention
I'm all absorbed in my own creations
Withdraw from the world is my direction
Make songs and be heard is my obsession
Give my all so performing is my profession
I've forgotten the warmth of true connection
I've forgotten the warmth of human connection

If I had known me, I would have told you
If I had only been able to warn you
If I had known me, I would have told you
If I had only been able to inform you

I can't live like everybody else
I can't spend time getting nowhere fast
Agitation kicks in when I rest
I'm impatient for a creative task
I am driven like nobody else
I'm committed to write; it's for my health
I'm too different; sometimes I get depressed
Isolated inside my focused head

You might call me narcissistic
I can't really argue with it
I just have this art obsession
I'll keep writing long as I live
Always strive for transformation
They might call me schizophrenic
I don't have an issue with it
Though I see with different lenses
I don't think it's mental illness
Not to dream within their limits
One might say that I'm autistic
That might be the right description
I don't feel like ninety percent
Of the people I'm immersed in
All I need's my special interest
I just say I'm hypersensitive
That conveys my life so simply
That's the base of why I'm different
My mind races like I'm tripping
I don't change it; I embrace it

Multiple personalities?
Every day a slightly different me
Every week another energy
I'm the best at inconsistency
Many people are easily pleased
Here to meet their basic needs
But this, to me, is empty living
I have a need for big ambition
I seem to miss the trees for the forest
A flood of songs come creeping through
I'm always turned on to receive new tunes
To the point that I'm not turned on by you
My focus compounds to a feedback loop
And I only want now to make dream come true
Record new sounds and beats and grooves
And I'm so set out to achieve my goals
That it's hard to sit down and speak with you
And I'm sorry that's how I tend to get
Given how many hours I've been working
Gotta make a choice I can't live with
It's a sacrifice to make music
Lose family time for creative pleasure
Lose creative time for a day together
Losing all my time, just to make a dime
When I crave the mic to say some rhymes
I must feed the beast within me
I must heal the past life memories
Deep within me a massive city
I feel trapped within this body
I can't rest with pent up energy
I'm obsessed with creativity
Interest missing for the only things
You've been wishing you could do with me
And I'm sorry


If I had known me, I would have told you
If I had only been able to warn you
If I had known me, I would have told you
If I had only been able to inform you
If I had known me, if I had warned you
If you knew how crazy, would you still have chosen me?

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from Puzzle, released January 13, 2024

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millicow Kansas City, Missouri

love.

A style all of its own, inspired by rap, hip hop, synthwave, classical music, heavy metal, black metal, synthpop, and more.

Packed full of finely crafted sounds, textures, melodies, rhythms, harmonies, and conscious, insightful poetry, I translate spirit into sounds that aim to induce states of psychedelic trance and emotional catharsis.

other projects:
greatinbox.bandcamp.com ... more

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