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Jeff Poops His Pants (skit)

from Train Of Thought by millicow

/

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lyrics

GZS NEWS
BREAKING NEWS!

A local Lettuce Town resident by the name of Jeffery O'Donnell shit his pants while shopping for groceries yesterday. He was standing right here, about to put a bag of lemons into his cart, when his bowels suddenly decided to spew at least an entire gallon of hot, steamy shit into his pants and down onto the floor right in the middle of the fruit aisle. Look, you can even still see a little shit in the crack between these two tiles of linoleum!

Eyewitnesses report that Jeffery then started crying, saying "I'm never going to live this down" and "this is going to define who I am for the rest of my life". Luckily for O'Donnell, a kind employee reassured him that "Hey, only like three people saw this happen. It's not like this is going to be all over the news for the next week. Don't even worry about it."

Stay tuned for more updates on this juicy story! Now here's Tom Withewether.

(Tom) "Hi, I'm Tom Withewether. I'm very excited to talk about this fascinating story that's quickly sweeping the incontinent. You know, it must be absolutely mortifying to shit your pants in the middle of a supermarket. I couldn't imagine what Jeffery O'Donnell is going through right now, and I feel very strongly for him."

Thank you Tom. You know, I was thinking, what if the city hosts a big party where we all surround Jeffery O'Donnell's house and hold up signs saying "we know you pooped your pants, but it's okay. shit happens."? We all need a way to show him that we're supportive of him through this hard time in his life.

(Tom) "Great idea, Mark! In fact, I think we should make this a weekly event. It would be a great way to bring the community closer together and make Mr. O'Donnell feel understood."

I like how you think, Tom, but how about we take this one step further and turn it into a city-wide holiday? Every week we'll have a brief gathering, but once a year, we'll spend the whole day singing songs about why it's okay to shit your pants sometimes, and that you don't need to be embarrassed. Jeffrey O'Donnell's sacrifice will never be forgotten. Because of him, we could prevent a lot of social isolation with his heart-touching story.

(Tom) "Now we're talking, Mark! We could even erect a statue in the town square of Jeffery O'Donnell shitting himself next to a basket of lemons to send a message out to future generations for millenia to come that 'hey, you're not the only person in history who's ever shit themselves. it's okay. you can forget about it and move on with your life.' Because if I were to ever shit myself in the middle of a grocery store, the last thing I would want would be for it to follow me around for the rest of my life."

I completely agree, Tom. Thank you for joining us today.

(Tom) "And thank you for having me."

Next up on Lettuce Town News: we invade Jeffery O'Donnell's house to get a live interview! We'll be right back with this groundbreaking development after a shart commercial break.

credits

from Train Of Thought, released July 10, 2023
Joe Donner - voice of Tom Withewether

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millicow Kansas City, Missouri

love.

A style all of its own, inspired by rap, hip hop, synthwave, classical music, heavy metal, black metal, synthpop, and more.

Packed full of finely crafted sounds, textures, melodies, rhythms, harmonies, and conscious, insightful poetry, I translate spirit into sounds that aim to induce states of psychedelic trance and emotional catharsis.

other projects:
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