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Social Anxiety

from Bedrock by millicow

/

lyrics

do you know how it feels
when you're just being yourself
never meant any harm
and people act like there's something wrong with you,
time and time again?

people tell you to be you
until you actually do
and then they see you're not like them
not who they wanted you to be.

do you know how much it hurts
when you just want to be understood
but your efforts never seem to work
why'd you ever think they would?

why do i let this get to me?
why do i care what people think?
i just want to feel connection
what is so wrong with being different?
why have i felt so much rejection?
why do i need people's validation?
perfect recipe for depression
anxiety and feelings of isolation



Freshman year of high school and I
Don't know what my mind's doin'. This
Happy kid I used to be, now
Drowning in anxiety. I
Got self conscious and I withdrew; I
Wished that I was more like you. Don't
Look and don't say hi to me, just
Let me hide inside my screen
I
First realized that I was strange when I
Started school back in third grade. Be-
fore then I had been homeschooled, but
Here, I was new and so confused. So
Many other kids my age; be-
fore long, I knew all their names. But
They already had their friends, and
Nobody cared to let me in
At
First I persevered, unscathed, though I
Felt so alone and out of place. Over the
Years the fear of rejection came; I sup-
Pressed my emotions, personality erased



In
High school it all hit me at once; you
Know the way it often does. I
Hardly even talked to my parents; my
Racing thoughts had me so nervous
I was so scared of being judged
Even if only in harmless fun. My
Face, my voice, my every little movement; my
Hair, my clothes, my entire appearance

At the time I didn't know
Any coping mechanisms
So I did all I could
To avoid being noticed
Oftentimes, people'd question
"Hey man why are you so quiet?"
And I'd simply shrug my shoulders;
Didn't know how to reply to it

When I got back to my bedroom
That is where I would escape
With video games and music, I would
Stay in there all day



This all got so stressful that I
Got physically ill. I fought
Cold after cold and my
Sinuses aren't right still.
And
You can bet that only made my
Social anxiety get worse. My
Nose wouldn't stop running; I
Really felt like I was cursed



In the darkness of that winter,
Something inside me shifted
I don't know how it happened,
But I got an intuition
I realized that my ailments
Were entirely self-inflicted
And if I had the power to do this,
Then certainly I could fix it.

I dug myself into this hole and
I would dig myself back out. Having
Heard a whisper from the soul,
I didn't even have a doubt.
I would break down the walls of old and
Turn my mind around.
New flame of will so bold, it's
Never flickered out.

My
Mind had spiraled into such
Irrational patterns,
Fears running rampant and my
Confidence all shattered. Re-
Spond to negative beliefs by
Reinforcing new ones. To
Change your brain, all you need is re
Petitive influence.

They
Sound ridiculous at first, but
Do not let that stop you. You
Need to hear these friendly words be-
Fore things can improve. Re-
mind yourself, over and over; it's
what you have to do. It's
Only a matter of time before
You believe them too.



You are beautiful and kind and
You deserve the best. Your
Soul is made of gold inside, and
You are truly blessed. The
Luck you have is largely just a
Matter of belief, di-
Rectly correlated with the
Way that you perceive.

Nobody is judging you, and
Their opinions aren't important.
They're already occupied with
Their own inner problems.
You deserve good friends and you're
Surely soon to find them.
You are worth more than you know!
Be thankful you are human.



If your mind rejects these words, that's
Totally okay.
Right now you are feeling hurt, but
You will find a way. I'm
Not saying it's easy work; it's
Not easy at all. But
Time will make it all be worth it as
Peace begins to grow.

You can take my word when I say
Healing can really happen. Your
Mind is the most powerful tool that
You could ever own.

Love yourself.
It's okay.

credits

from Bedrock, released July 27, 2022

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millicow Kansas City, Missouri

love.

A style all of its own, inspired by rap, hip hop, synthwave, classical music, heavy metal, black metal, synthpop, and more.

Packed full of finely crafted sounds, textures, melodies, rhythms, harmonies, and conscious, insightful poetry, I translate spirit into sounds that aim to induce states of psychedelic trance and emotional catharsis.

other projects:
greatinbox.bandcamp.com ... more

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